DON'T ALLOW CHILDREN TO 'CONQUER AND DIVIDE'

Below is an excerpt from my book: "Seven Successful Strategies For Divorced Parents." Having worked as a Parenting Instructor for Michigan State Universities 'Building Strong Families' program, I was able to assist parents, teachers and caregivers in positive ways to effectively communicate within the family structure.  This excerpt highlights some of the information from the chapter entitled: "Simple Solutions To Finding Common Ground." It refers to the time when parents are in the beginning stages of a possible separation or for parents that are aware that they are soon to be divorced. While couples are fixated on court dates and the splitting up of property as well as the emotional turmoil of the dissolution of a marriage, daily routines may be off schedule or sometimes, forgotten altogether. **This is the fourth and final of a 4-Part Excerpt. 

Don't Allow Children to 'Conquer and Divide.'  While working as a Parenting Instructor through Michigan State Universities' 'Building Strong Families program, in some households where divorce had occurred, it was easy to see who was in control...the children were! Coming to the conclusion that they had the best of both worlds, kids simply threaten to spend more time with the parent that gave them their every desire without a fuss. In these scenarios, teens and pre-teens would choose the parent who least resisted their having a curfew, the parent that didn't monitor their friends or their activities, or simply were 'too busy to parent.'  We all know firsthand the results of these instances. Teens that begin to have truancy issues, problems in school, hanging out with other teens that are not monitored and possibly headed towards a path they may later regret. Remember that youth want and need structure...to a certain extent. (There's a difference between 'structuring' and 'smothering.') Be solidified with rules and regulations of each household. Just because dad may allow entertainment before homework is done... doesn't mean the same has to hold true for mom's household. (Or Vice-versa) Remind your child that each household has it's own rules on its' own merits and the rules and regulations established in your household pertain to your household, and will be maintained while they are there. In the interim, do not try to usurp or negate the rules of your exe's home. This will lead to a path of futility and unnecessary stress, and keeps families, especially children, experiencing conflict---guaranteed. 

If possible, parents should attempt to have some basic guidelines that fit both households, such as maintaining responsibility for household chores being completed, a time-frame for all homework to be done or specific bedtime expectations so that children maintain a regular, consistent schedule in the areas that matter the most. In reality however, parents become so embroiled in not cooperating with one another, that they forget about the children and insist in 'running their household without any 'interference or input' from the absent parent--no matter how positive the suggestion may be. This usually means doing everything the opposite of what the other has established, creating unnecessary heartache and headaches for all involved. This may result in children feeling betrayed by their parents and confused as to why parents, who should be acting like responsible adults, refuse to put their best interests forward in developing simple solutions to everyday living arrangements.

Known as the 'From Goal-Setting to Goal GETTING' coach, Sherry Brantley is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Professional Coach specializing in assisting people in reaching their goals. Whether writing books related to personal growth such as 'STEPP-How To Create Positive Change In Your Life,' or her fictional trilogy of work 'Best of Friends,' which garnered National Recognition for 'Best Fiction Of The Year,' Sherry is sure to incorporate thought-provoking ideals and concepts which readers are able to connect to in order to increase their understanding of their own Spiritual growth, determine what they'd like to achieve in life and develop a road-map to get there! 

www.sherrybrantley.com

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