Seven Successful Strategies For Divorced Parents

Below is an excerpt from my book: "Seven Successful Strategies For Divorced Parents." Having worked as a Parenting Instructor for Michigan State Universities 'Building Strong Families' program, I was able to assist parents, teachers and caregivers in positive ways to effectively communicate within the family structure.  This excerpt highlights some of the information from the chapter entitled: "Simple Solutions To Finding Common Ground." It refers to the time when parents are in the beginning stages of a possible separation or for parents that are aware that they are soon to be divorced. While couples are fixated on court dates and the splitting up of property as well as the emotional turmoil of the dissolution of a marriage, daily routines may be off schedule or sometimes, forgotten altogether. **This is the first of a 4-Part Excerpt

• Prepare For The 'Unexpected' By Making It The 'Expected.'  Begin to take control of situations at hand and know that there are many areas which may go unnoticed, or may simply have been overlooked. It's a good idea to be proactive to avoid being reactive. Set time to draft a list of all routines that must continue on a daily basis. Don't leave a stone unturned. Whether it is soccer, a play, a musical recital or homework time...ensure someone is available to take care of things. Yes, I've experienced the real life scene when one parent forgets to pick up a child from an event, and the teacher, now having to stay after with them, assuring them that yes your parents love you, they've simply forgotten about the time as they try to handle their hectic schedules. Even when children understand those words of comfort on the surface, it is a bitter pill for them to swallow. Over time, if continuously being done, the lessons they derive from this behavior may not be the positive ones in which you intended for them. It is no different when we, as adults, look forward to certain events or spending specific time with a certain person, only to find that once again,they have not been able to make a solid commitment to whatever the event or occasion may have been, or that once again, we're the lowest ones on the totem pole in their life and their behavior is evident of that.

• Don't Make Kids 'Choose' Which Parent They'd Prefer: It seems ludicrous that any parent would do this, and many times it is not done on a conscious level. But a seemingly innocent enough statement such as: "Who do you prefer to go to the movies with?" Or, "Did you want your teacher to speak with your dad-or me," could give the child the impression you're making him or her choose between both parents, when honestly in most cases, they still want to be with you both. As adults, it is up to you to make decisions based on your availability, your willingness and your own level of skill/expertise in that area of concern.  Divorcing can be difficult for all the parties involved: Adult parents as well as children and in some cases, even the in-laws of both parties! Children are even more vulnerable at this time and it matters not if they're grade school or high-school age. It is the severing of ties that can be trauatic at different stages and times for each person and it is during these times when it is crucial that communication from both parents is conveyed in an understanding, loving way. Children do not want to; nor should they, become involved in the 'irreconcilable differences' which the adults are dealing with. Insisting that they know 'exactly' why the relationship didn't work out, when they may not be emotionally capable of dealing with such information, only adds to the discontent and confusion they are feeling and acts as a hindrance in later years, in regards to developing a relationship with the absent parent. 

Known as the 'From Goal-Setting to Goal GETTING' coach, Sherry Brantley is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Professional Coach specializing in assisting people in reaching their goals. Whether writing books related to personal growth such as 'STEPP-How To Create Positive Change In Your Life,' or her fictional trilogy of work 'Best of Friends,' which garnered National Recognition for 'Best Fiction Of The Year,' Sherry is sure to incorporate thought-provoking ideals and concepts which readers are able to connect to in order to increase their understanding of their own Spiritual growth, determine what they'd like to achieve in life and develop a road-map to get there! 

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